All that matters most...

As you know, I have been silent for quite sometime now... Technical difficulties, life difficulties, and just the general maelstrom of what I think of as day to day living. But, finally, the Gods of technology have smiled upon me and I am back. My blog silence (and twitter silence, and facebook silence) did not reflect the number of words and thoughts that have been spinning within me during my hiatus.
So, although I usually post a poem or brief thought, I figured I should go for some real vulnerability and exposure for a change.
I had the most amazing weekend just a few days ago. I had my best friend here with me from Arizona, my totally awesome PGF Becky with us the entire time. All three of us responsible mothers went and got tattoos together and then went dancing all night. Blowjob shots were consumed, the requisite 2:00 am breakfast at Denny's took place, and there was much joy and happiness all around.
Reality had to come crashing in of course. The weekend closed, and we found a lump in my breast. In all likelihood, it is nothing. Even the doc agrees it is probably nothing, just going through the gamut of tests as a matter of course. "Just in case..."
The funny thing is, my courage came back because of it. Don't get me wrong, stark fear and many tears were involved in this. But somehow, my focus returned along with that audacity and bravery I haven't connected with since my divorce several years ago. I had become mousy: not a natural role for me. Mind you, I have guts when it comes to my children. But I have been putting my wants and loves and dreams on the backburner forever. I guess I had the epiphany this week that pushing my dreams aside for years won't really benefit any of my small family in the least.
So, lest this poetry blog turn into nothing more than a diary I am opening to anyone, I will close with a brief thought...

So many dreams
begin with the road
and my feet
are planted here
in this place
and moment
planted
while all of me longs
to run
run
but not
to run away
for once
I am running to